July 1 is halfway through the year. It always sparks a mid-year pause and review point in my life, my year. I reflect on what I have done, haven’t, and want to do. I always feel I have not come as far as I want. I always have further to go than I can get by New Year’s Eve.

The projects I have yet to complete or, in some instances, even start. The people I haven’t connected with. It’s easy to beat myself up when I haven’t met my impossibly high standards.

July 1 is also about the halfway point for the summer. Summer is a time for me to rest, revise, and create for the coming school year. Anyone who says teachers don’t work in the summer is either not a teacher or one who isn’t very committed to their craft. Even when a teacher isn’t actively teaching a class, we are considering new things to try in the classroom, researching curriculum changes, being a student by participating in professional development, or taking the space we need to refill our creative wells. I have a dozen notes on my iPhone with ideas for curriculum changes, updates to a syllabus, or something I want to change on an assignment or lab. About seven years ago, I went to Yellowstone National Park and spent the entire time envisioning a lesson regarding the visible elements present throughout the part. Red iron, blue copper, and yellow sulfur streaked the landscape.

I feel the passage of time in a way most don’t, which may be why I feel drawn to reflect deeply at points during the year. I am keenly aware that my time on this earth is passing and that I must spend it well. I literally feel time pass. I rarely ever lose track of time because of this.

This year, my reflections took me in a different direction. In general, women’s rights and freedoms have been under attack lately. The Supreme Court has handed down several rulings that make my place in this country less than before. Rulings that take away my bodily autonomy, my religious freedoms, my safety in the world, and diminishes my ability to participate fully in the democratic process. I think about my financial security and position with a potential recession on the horizon. I consider what I will do with education and unions under attack since I am in higher education and a union member. I consider my safety in a nation that gives more rights to a gun than I. A country that would potentially punish me more for obtaining an abortion than the man who raped me and got me pregnant. A justice system that would attack me as the victim of sexual assault rather than the man who committed it.

I don’t feel safe, valued, or considered equal by many in this country because they fight against my rights. My right to have my own religious beliefs different from theirs. My right to full-bodily autonomy and control of my destiny. My right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Their desire to have things their way overshadows my right to live my life as I see best for me.

I have several new considerations in front of me. What do I do to maintain my reproductive health and build my life for me with my rights diminished? There are potentially more on the horizon to be lost because SCOTUS opened them up for review. Five conservative men and one privileged white woman told me what I can and can’t do with my body and life. Five men who always had a choice. Men always have a choice.

What do I do if I lose my union representation and bargaining rights and/or ability? Those protections ensure that I have a voice at my college without fear of retaliation by my superiors. They ensure that my colleagues and I are paid fairly for our work. The college has HR to represent them. Workers should also have representation at the bargaining table.

The uncertainty of life is on full display. I must find a way forward where I can live in the tension, fight for my rights, and still find joy in life: three very different and challenging balls to juggle.