I have watched the Karen (or Kevin/Chad if a guy) phenomenon.
I watched the white lady meltdown in Central Park because a black man asked her to follow the park rules and leash her dog.
I saw more people than I can count flip out because they didn’t want to follow masking policies at stores.
I gaped as the lawyer couple in St. Louis brandished weapons as protestors peacefully walked past their house.
There are entire YouTube channels that show nothing but Karen/Kevin videos.
I have contemplated this phenomenon extensively. This blog is my third attempt to write on this topic in a (hopefully) constructive way. It is easy to feel superior when you see someone melt down in Costco because they don’t want to put on a mask. It is satisfying to see a woman make a fool of herself screaming in her front yard.
I am not convinced that this is new behavior; however, I do think we are more aware of it because of video recording. Most people walk around daily with a video camera in their pocket to catch these meltdowns, fits, and tantrums. Additionally, social media has created a way to spread the videos far and wide for everyone to see. This means that a 2-minute meltdown on a bad day can haunt a person for the rest of their lives.
I do not condone this behavior. However, I also can’t say I am innocent either. I have overreacted at times, just like we all have. If cell phone cameras and social media existed then, I could easily have been immortalized as a “Karen.” We all have had bad days, but there are far too many examples well beyond the pale. The worst offenders let their emotions (fear, anger, etc.) get the best of them. In some instances, their behavior threatens the safety and well-being of others.
Some of these anger and fear-fueled incidents also include racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. It is very clear during the occurrence when these beliefs are in play. People yell slurs, use charged language meant to influence the behavior of law enforcement, use the police as a weapon, or scream some version of “go back to your country” at the other person. There should be no room for this behavior in this country; unfortunately, some groups have made this conduct OK. People influenced by these beliefs are not having a “bad day” but rather letting their true values surface.
I make no allowances and do not condone this behavior in any way in this blog. I find racism, misogyny, and xenophobia absolutely abhorrent and should under no circumstances be tolerated. This country is both a melting pot and a salad bowl. There is enough room for all peoples, beliefs, and cultures to coexist harmoniously.
While not all adult temper tantrums played on social media are simply someone having an awful moment, I think we need to make room for this. I feel how pressured and thinly stretched I am every day, and I know I am not alone. Any one of us can have a moment when we snap. Although some of us can realize where we are and manage our behavior, many don’t have this awareness. I encourage us all to cultivate this self-awareness whenever given the opportunity.
I also think that some of the behavior immortalized on camera is evidence of the racism, xenophobia, toxic individualism, and lack of emotional resilience in our society. Rather than make fun of the offenders and smear the names of good people actually named Karen, Kevin, and Chad, we should work to address the root of the problem.
I see people who are hurting, scared, misinformed, or feeling otherwise insecure in a situation. We have forgotten as a society that sometimes things don’t go our way. We forget that others get to set boundaries, and we can either honor those boundaries or walk away.
While screaming, throwing items, and threatening others because you aren’t getting your way is unacceptable behavior. Calling a name or labeling someone for this behavior isn’t any better. Identifying someone as a Karen, Kevin, Chad, etc., is name calling plain and simple. It is also a form of bullying. A way of labeling someone so we can easily dismiss them. It’s also not fair to the people named Karen, Kevin, or Chad by their parents. I know many wonderful Karens, Kevins, and Chads who do not deserve to have their names sullied. In trying to find a way to communicate the generally nasty behavior of others quickly, we are not being fair to other good people.
The conversation of labeling others as “Karens” is also misogyny. It is generally the term I see used more than Kevin or Chad. I commonly hear men behaving poorly referred to as “male Karens.” Men can behave in horrible ways too, but I see significantly more videos of women having a meltdown than men. I don’t believe for a moment that women are more likely to behave this way than men. I have seen just as many men fly off the handle in my life as I have women. Our society is just quicker to shame a woman for it than a man. Men can get away with a higher level of aggression than women. Our society is quicker to label a man’s nasty behavior as “assertive” than a woman who behaves similarly. An assertive woman is easily labeled a “bitch” or worse to discredit and dismiss her.
It’s a double standard that the “Karen” conversation doesn’t do justice.
I encourage us all to move beyond name-calling and judging someone in a bad moment. We also need to accept that things that we don’t think are fair will happen. Citing your “rights” or declaring that you know what the constitution says isn’t going to help you get your way. Please let this childish behavior go. These are ways we can step towards a more respectful, polite, and perfect union.
We can ALL do better here.
And to all the Karens, Kevins, and Chads of the world: I am sorry your good names have been sullied.