© Catherine Haslag

What I Didn’t Know

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May 25, 2020

I didn’t watch the full video. 8 minutes and 46 seconds. I saw parts of it, but not the whole tape. I can’t watch the video of George Floyd dying, of anyone dying.

I had the privilege of sitting with my feelings on this for a while. To learn more. To take it all in. I began reading. Looking. Researching for anything I could find.

I found a mountain of information. Podcasts. Books. Videos. Theses. Documentaries. Journal articles. Newspaper pieces. Magazine reports. Websites. There was no end to the documentation. What I could read, view, and listen to. New information to learn, to shatter my old misunderstanding, and develop a new, more accurate picture.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the deluge of resources I found, but I was. It was eye-opening. Once I started looking, learned so much about US history. More than in any class I took. Our history spells out the impact of racism and how far its tentacles stretched. Education, healthcare, housing, travel, restaurants, the GI Bill, voting rights, religion, policing, marriage, redistricting. There isn’t an area of life that isn’t affected by systemic racism. Every person in the United States has either benefited from or been disadvantaged by this disease.

There are many perspectives to history. The white perspective is the primary one told in this country because white is the dominant race, the dominant caste. There is a vast amount of US history that isn’t taught because it doesn’t paint white people in a positive light. This creates an incomplete and unfair narrative of our country, its history, and its people.

Redlining. Gerrymandering. Jim Crow. Segregation. Racial profiling. Stop and frisk. Voter ID. Poll taxes. Travel bans. Internment camps. Reservations. The war on drugs. All forms of racism make it harder for people of color to live their American dream. All efforts to keep the privilege in the hands of white people. White privilege. White power. White supremacy.

Equal rights have not been established. All lives don’t matter until all lives are treated like they matter. Black and brown lives don’t matter in the United States. Four hundred years of history demonstrates this. The evidence is there for anyone to see if one is open to seeing it.

I believe that the United States of America is a great country. I believe in the quest to form a more perfect union…more perfect union for ALL those who call the United States home. I also know that quest is a messy one. We are not a country of saints. Far, far from it. To paint this country as such is a lie and dooms us to repeat our sins of the past.

If you are open to learning about how systemic racism permeates our society, I encourage you to access the Google Docs link below. It is a file that contains the list of resources I found in my research on systemic racism. As I continue collecting resources, I will continue to update this document.

#SystemicRacism Resources Google Docs Link

These resources tell another side of US history, it’s not a pretty one but it’s true. My hope is that the research I have done will help open more eyes to the reality of our nation and those who are mistreated in it because of the color of their skin. My dream is that as we know the fuller story of US history we will break the ongoing cycle of systemic racism.

© Catherine Haslag

Crucible as Myself

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Crucible is from the Medieval Latin Crucibulum for “melting pot for metals” and “night lamp.” The first part of the word, crus, could also originate from the Middle High German kruse meaning “earthen pot” or from the Latin crux in reference to a cross.

The word crucible has two meanings:

  1. As a noun, a crucible is a ceramic, graphite, or metal container that is used for the melting of metals or conducting of chemical reactions at high temperatures.
  2. As a verb, a crucible is a severe trial in which things interact and something new is created from it. This meaning of the word began sometime around the 1640s.

Example of a crucible used in a chemistry lab.

A classic chemistry lab uses a crucible to react with magnesium metal with oxygen gas at high temperatures to produce magnesium oxide. Crucibles are also used to melt bronze and other metals for casting bells and statues. If a crucible is ceramic, it can be brittle despite its ability to withstand extreme temperatures.

Arthur Miller’s play The Crucible told a fictional account of the Salem Witch Trials that took place in the Massachusetts Bay Colony in 1692 and 1693. It was an allegory for McCarthyism, a time in the 1950s when people were being accused and persecuted for being a communist. Much like the Salem Witch Trials, most of the accusations were false and were very dangerous to the lives of those accused.

A crucible is also a container, a place for work to be done. Its job is to hold, to be a space. Based on this definition, anything can serve as a crucible: an office, journal, classroom, tennis court, website.

The book Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott spoke of the role of the crucible in the work she does with her coaching clients. She pondered if she could become the crucible for her clients, her family and friends, or herself.

The title of this blog comes from this idea. I have created a space for me to bring my writing, thoughts, and ideas to the world, but I am my own crucible in this process. I contain the reaction or heated metal in me and eventually present that work to the world on this site. This is page is my voice, my practice is finding, developing, and crafting it into something that is authentic to me. What I say here may not be popular, but it is authentic to me and hopefully will resonate with others.

We all have different crucibles that present themselves in life, some of them we choose for ourselves, some are chosen for us. This is a combination of the two. I have felt for awhile that I have something of value and meaning to share. This feeling grew so strong that I felt it was being chosen for me and I had no other option than to choose it back. I don’t know yet if the words you read here is that something or if this is just practice for that something. Only time will determine that.

References

Online Etymology Dictionary. (2020) Crucible. https://www.etymonline.com/word/crucible

Scott, S. (2002). Fierce Conversations (Second Edition). The Berkley Publishing Company.

Sparknotes. (2020). The Crucible. https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/crucible/

© Catherine Haslag

To Blog or Not to Blog

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Taken at Nerstrand Big Woods State Park, Northfield, MN

This is my second go writing my first blog. You won’t get to read the first one because it didn’t sound like me. I tried to be clever, witty, and funny. While I am all of these things, what I tried to write the first time didn’t sound like my voice.  So I decided to give it another try. What are you reading now sounds much more like me.

We all have a voice. Some of us use our voices, other’s don’t. Some have strong, clear voices that carry easily through valleys, others have quite, delicate voices that required the room to hush so they can be heard. I am using this blog to find my voice, explore it, develop it, and use it in the world. This blog is for my growth. It is a way for me to think, process, write, share, and (hopefully) grow.

I will likely write on a broad range of subjects – biking, camping, hiking, books, educational projects, trips, experiences. Whatever I feel I need to and want to share my opinion, thoughts, or experience regarding. I enjoy researching and learning about new things, which you will likely see in my blog posts. If I include information from sources in my writing, I will cite them or otherwise give them credit to the best of my ability. I believe in giving credit where credit is due. Additionally, the resources I have used may be helpful to others, so I want to share them.

This is an experiment for me and I don’t have an idea where it will take me. Life is a great teacher. We not only learn from the experiences life brings to use but also from each other. While this blog is for my growth and learning, I hope that sharing my experience here with you will provide for your growth as well.

I look forward to seeing where this experiment takes me.