When I was packing to move to Austin in December 2010, a friend gave me some valuable advice. She encouraged me to take this move as an opportunity to remake myself and do some internal work to heal. She specifically encouraged me to find a therapist to talk to.
I had limited experience working with mental health professionals. My ex-husband and I went to couples counseling for 6 weeks because that was the amount of free counseling my insurance provided and he didn’t want to pay for counseling. Looking back, I think our differences were too significant to bridge, no matter how much time we spent or how skilled the counselor was. There just wasn’t enough to keep the marriage together. I wasn’t impressed with either of the counselors we saw during this time and wasn’t sure about getting another cold, robotic referral from my insurance company again. However, my friend’s advice lingered in the back of my head.
I found her flyer while looking for flyers for yoga classes. I was looking for a class to attend in my new town. At the time, posted flyers or word of mouth were the most likely avenues to learn about yoga classes. The paper was taped on the glass door leading to the second floor of a building downtown. She had relocated to a different office space. Her name (Julie), number, and email were listed. I snapped a photo with my cell phone and found the courage to contact her. Little did I know I had just started a process that would forever change my life for the better.
When I called to schedule an appointment, Julie asked me what I needed to talk about. I tried to explain it but instead broke down and cried because I couldn’t describe how messy and lost I felt. My marriage slowly and steadily disintegrated throughout 2009. I divorced my husband at the end of the year. I took a financial hit to get out of the marriage because I just wanted out. I moved into an adorable 2-bedroom bungalow on the north side of Springfield.
The house was in a great location, had a wonderful landlord (my aforementioned friend), and a friend and family rent discount (thank you, Susan). Over the next year, I worked to repair my broken heart and apologize to everyone who gave even an ounce of their time/energy/money to my wedding. I felt I had let EVERYONE down when I ended my marriage. I had a textbook case of shame. I also navigated an ever-increasingly toxic atmosphere at my job and found another job when I’d had enough. This all culminated in a span of 25 days in which I interviewed for a new position in Austin, was hired, quit my job in Springfield, celebrated Christmas with my family, packed up my life, and moved to Austin alone.
It had been a crazy two years, and I couldn’t put everything into words. Fortunately, Julie could understand incoherent sobbing and helped me schedule an appointment. She didn’t take insurance but had very reasonable rates, thankfully. My budget could support this extra expense.
I met with Julie for the first time in February 2011. Our first session was a blur. She asked me questions and I talked. I slowly learned that it made sense that I felt like a mess. I had been through several significant life changes (divorce, a new job, new addresses, and a new town) in a relatively short period. She gave me the space and time to sort through it all and make sense of things in a way I hadn’t been able to before.
I worked with her off and on for about 18 months. Scheduling appointments for a few weeks at a time to talk about this and that. I often talked about how others just needed to “get their shit together” and “do life right.” Julie sat patiently and listened, offering feedback, introducing me to new tools and skills to help me navigate situations, and guiding me as I processed events in my past and present.
During one of our sessions, I had a life-changing realization. This wasn’t about changing other people. This was about doing my own work. I had no control over making others” get their shit together” or “do life right.” I only had the power to get my own shit together. The work focused on me, my growth, my mindset, my behavior, and my values. It was as if the world had opened up to me. It was a turning point in my life.
There is very little we haven’t talked about over the past 12 years. The work I do with Julie has turned from therapy to life coaching. She helped me find a better way to navigate life – a healthier way that works better for me. Our discussions have turned from dealing with unresolved issues of my past to helping me grow into my best self. As a result, I have developed better leadership and communication skills, found ways to cope with anxiety and triggers, and navigated challenging life events. At each meeting, I invest time and energy into myself, my growth, and my mental health.
When I look back and think about the Catherine that sat on Julie’s couch during our first meeting in February 2011, I want to hug that Catherine and tell her she is taking a big, brave step towards something incredible. A better way of living in the world than she could ever imagine. I want to tell her that even though the process is uncomfortable sometimes, the results are worth it.
We invest time in our homes, children, relationships, and careers. Yet, only some of us think of investing time in ourselves. If we don’t take the time to invest in ourselves, who will? My work with my life coach is an investment in my personal development, which impacts every aspect of my life.
The return rate on such an investment will out-pace any return on a retirement account. It’s an investment no one can take away.