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© Catherine Haslag

The 5 Questions

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These are my 5 questions from my bullet journal.

I am an introvert and not a fan of small talk. I understand its purpose is to start conversations between people, but it can also be hard to move beyond. It also wears on me to have the same conversation over and over again with people.

Where are you from?

What do you do for a living?

Are you married?

Do you have any kids?

How about this weather?

Welcome to my own personal hell.

 

A few years ago, I developed 5 questions to help start conversations. I developed these questions by considering what my friends and I most commonly talk about and what interests we have in common. I actually got this idea from a friend of mine who did something similar; however, the only question we have in common is regarding the books we are currently reading.

I can usually use 2-3 of these questions with anyone I meet. I have found they provide a way to have deeper conversations with people and are an easy way to find common ground with a person I have just met.

Question #1 – What are you reading?

This is one of my three go-to questions. SO many people read, so this is a great way to find common ground with someone AND get some good book recommendations. This is also a way to learn more about the interests of the other person and provide fuel for further deep discussion.

Question #2 – What podcasts are you listening to?

This is my second go-to question. There are so many podcasts available today. Most of the people I know listen to at least 1 podcast. This is a great way to get an idea of what interests another person and provide further topics for discussion.

Question #3 – What are you learning?

I am a growth-minded person. This is a deep, introspective question that I love to discuss with others, but I can’t use it with everyone. It needs to be used intentionally because not everyone is growth-minded and open to exploring this topic. Be sure to test your audience before deploying this question.

Question #4 – What are you grateful for?

This is my third go-to question. It is a way to uplift the conversation and connect with someone. Everyone can find something to be thankful for, it doesn’t have to be a big thing. Right now, I am thankful for the ice tea I am enjoying, the computer I am working on, and the rainy day that allows for contemplation and time to blog.

Question #5 – How is your word going?

This one has to be deployed with people who participate in The One Word. I only use it with friends who I know have a word. It’s a way to support each other and share our personal work. Again, this question will only work with a very specific audience, so be strategic with this one.

I keep these questions written down in my bullet journal so I can easily access them if I need them. They can also be saved in a phone or written on a small piece of paper for easy access. I have for the most part committed them to memory but like to keep them handy just in case my brain decides to go an on unannounced holiday.

If you are tired of small talk and want to jump-start conversations with more substance, I encourage you to write your own questions. They will help you have more meaningful and connecting conversations during your day.

 

A Special Thanks

A special thanks to Jennifer L. for giving me the idea of creating questions to start conversations with others.  I am so thankful for you and our friendship.  You encourage me to be a better person.

© Catherine Haslag

The Twitterverse

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Last year I joined the Twitterverse. I am still not sure it was a good idea. I don’t tweet a lot, but I do go on to see what topics are trending and what people are generally talking about. I find a lot of tweets about politics, sports, and popular TV shows. Some of my favorite topics have been #unvaccinatedsongs, the time Kayleigh McEnany blamed Joe Biden for the 2020 murder rate…even though he wasn’t president, and every…single…#caterday.

The wonderful Twitter content that makes up #Caterday.

I have also used it as a way to practice gratitude. A thank you to a fellow teacher for a very helpful webinar on how to revamp the general chemistry series to be more beneficial for students. Praise to an author for the incredibly good book I just finished reading. Appreciation to a creator for a recent podcast episode.

Kayleigh McEnany’s tweet on Sept 9, 2021 claiming that the US murder rate rose in 2020 under the Biden Presidency.

I am sure there are meaningful conversations being had on Twitter, but I have yet to find them. It mostly seems like its approximately 300 million active users are just shouting into the void. A hurricane slurry of sarcastic comments, crude and vulgar opinions, a plethora of gifs, and a sprinkling of genuine news and good ideas. I have been told that if you know how to use the site, you can track conversations using hashtags, but they change so often and quickly that I don’t see how anyone can keep up with anything. It’s hard to find the useful when it’s mixed in with so much trash. The proverbial needle in a tweet stack.

I set my Twitter preferences, indicating I like to read, and was flooded with so many book discussions that I was overwhelmed. I follow reliable news sources but also get recommendations for other people and companies I might like to follow. Plus all the ads. It’s like playing electronic whack-a-mole. I block Chanel and end up getting 10 other fragrance ads from other companies. There doesn’t seem to be a good way to narrow down the information to a stream that I find useful. To something less than overwhelming. Because of this, I keep my explorations short and sweet so I don’t get sucked irrevocably into a Twitter black hole.

Tweets made under the hashtage #UnvaccinatedSongs. Twitter can provide much creative humor.

I do occasionally shout into the void. It feels good sometimes to get something off of my chest, to contribute my own sarcasm and thoughts to the slurry. I try not to say anything that would be embarrassing if my boss or grandma read it. I also try to tweet something that will improve the public discord. No name-calling, focus on behavior, and stick to the facts. I think I have successfully met most of these goals most of the time.

I hope to eventually find a way to use Twitter in a more efficient and meaningful way. Either that or I will simply stop tweeting and let my account become inactive. In the meantime, I will use it as a snapshot of the public conversation, quick updates on current events, sending messages of appreciation to others…and occasionally shout into the void.

© Catherine Haslag

Dear Ms. L’Engle

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Dear Ms. L’Engle,

My copy of A Wrinkle in Time, which I read in 5th grade.

It started as a school assignment

in 5th grade. Eighteen copies of A Wrinkle in Time lined up on the shelf like identical little soldiers as Mrs. Hitz talked about the first novel we were reading for the year. We were going to read 4 such novels between August and May. Yours has been with me ever since.

I still have the copy we read. Since our parents provided the money to buy the copies for the classes to share, we got to take them home at the end of the year. It has had an honored spot on my bookcase ever since. My steady companion for 30 years. It was my introduction to the sci-fi/fantasy genre of books. I loved the whimsy of Ms. Who, Ms. What, and Ms. Which. The tesseract boggled my young mind.

I related strongly to the heroine Meg, an awkward girl who doesn’t yet know or trust her abilities. Who doesn’t yet know where she fits in the world. My 11-year-old self hadn’t yet begun to really test what she was capable of let alone trust her abilities. Meg gave me a role model to learn from.

I eventually discovered there were four books about the adventures of Meg and her brothers. I devoured A Wind in the Door and A Swiftly Tilting Planet. I couldn’t get into the adventures of Sandy and Dennys in Many Waters. I am sorry to say they were my least favorite characters in the world you created. The only book of the Time Quartet I didn’t read.

In college, I discovered Meg had a daughter, Polly, when I read An Acceptable Time. I was at another turning point as I was stepping into the adult world. I could relate to Polly just as I had Meg when I was 11.

I recently listened to A Wrinkle in Time on audiobook through my library. It reads just as well at 40 as it did at 11. This time, I was reminded that I still have that unsure girl in me, my own internal Meg, but I also have experience that reminds me I have been tested and that I am strong. I know what I can do and I can trust my skills. I now know my place in this world. Your books helped me make this journey because I could relate to your characters and their challenges. Thank you for bridging that gap so I could grow into who I am today.

Sincerely,

Catherine

Turning Points

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Image purchased from iStock by Getty Images.
Designed by nazlisart.

I woke up to the conversation on the radio. In my bleary state, I heard the voices say two planes had crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City. I was instantly awake and across the apartment to turn on the TV. The scenes were horrific. Straight out a disaster flick starring Bruce Willis. Moments later, the South Tower collapsed. I quickly showered and dressed for my day. Before I left my apartment for the Southwest Missouri State University campus, the North Tower Collapsed.

I canceled everything for the day and was glued to the TVs on campus and in apartments with friends. Silence and disbelief filled every space.

I sat with friends at their apartment in the afternoon and watched as Dan Rather aired a video for the first time showing people jumping from the buildings prior to their collapse.

I witnessed the wreckage of Flight 93, which passengers forced down in a field in Pennsylvania. Later, It was determined the plane’s likely final target was in Washington DC.

I observed the crumbled side of the Pentagon, where Flight 77 crashed into the building.

I heard the phone calls made by loved ones on the four planes the crashed that day. All sending one last message of love.

For the following year, there were cars everywhere sporting the American flag, Toby Keith and Alan Jackson played on repeat on country stations, and the U.S. collectively mourned the 2,996 people who died on that day in the towers and crashed flights. We were united in our grief and patriotism.

In a matter of minutes, we all lived in a different world. One that grew to include Homeland Security, full-body scans, no-fly lists, and a whole new meaning to the numbers 9 and 11.

In March of 2020, another major event struck the world – the Coronavirus.

All of the college classes I taught went online. Employees and students were sent home to help stop the spread.

Social distancing. Lessons on handwashing. Teams of sewers making masks out of every scrap of fabric they could find.

Zoom became the place to meet for class, meetings, and happy hour. Some of the world made a shift to baking bread at home, wearing PJs or yoga pants for everything, and drive-thru grocery pick-up. Alcohol sales skyrocketed.

Again, the world changed quickly and will be forever different. Finding the “new normal” was a common topic of conversation. Some accepted this reality, others chose to deny it.

Rather than coming together as we did nearly 20 years earlier when the towers fell, we split into groups. Maskers and anti-maskers and eventually vaxxers and anti-vaxxers. People who listened to the experts and believed what science was learning and people who didn’t. Conspiracy theories and misinformation spread faster than the virus thanks to social media.

The turning point we are facing now is more than a virus. More than masking, vaccinations, and the changing way we move and work in the world. We no longer agree on reality. We live in different news bubbles, worlds driven by whatever we chose to take as fact even if it’s really a falsehood. Lives where we get to deny reality because it makes us feel better, even if that denial kills others.

The turning point we face now is the division in our society. It’s an internal threat that can’t be addressed by invading another country. It has to start within each of us. We are our own worst enemies now. We are the hijackers, the terrorists in our nation. We are also the healers, the uniters if we so choose to be.

The question then is “Which do you choose?”

© Catherine Haslag

The Face of Lonely

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Floor Furnace

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In the fall of 2009, I was in the middle of a divorce.  My 4.5-year marriage had been failing for longer than it had worked. It became apparent to me that this relationship wasn’t what I needed. A friend of mine owned a small rental house that was empty. She lent me the key so I could have a place to go to get away from my soon-to-be-ex-husband and the house we owned while the legal system caught up with what my heart already knew – that the relationship was over.

This is very much like the floor furnace I describe in my blog. Unfortunately, I do not have a photo of that actual floor furnace to share. (image obtained from Pinterest)

This rental house, a small 2-bedroom, 1-bath bungalow, had a floor furnace in the dining room that heated the house. That floor furnace would become my touchstone over the next year.

It is where I sat when I called my mom and told her I was divorcing my husband.

It is where, wrapped in a blanket, I sat and cried about the loss of the life I had known and tried to figure out what I wanted to do next.

It is where I stood each winter morning in my robe to warm myself after I moved into the bungalow and finalized my divorce.

It is where I conducted many hours of conversations with my very patient girlfriends as they helped me navigate the emotional labor of ending a marriage and moving forward with my life.

Its creaks and clicks became the soundtrack of my life while I surveyed the world and planned my next steps as a single woman.

Like a light bulb to a new-born chick, it provided me with physical warmth during an emotionally trying and cold period in my life.

In January 2011, I left the floor furnace and moved out of that bungalow, headed on a northern migration. I had that furnace for just one year, but that was all I needed. I had developed a plan forward and it was time to move on, much like the chick that outgrows its need for warmth from the light bulb.

There are times when we will realize the smallest thing did so much for us – a moment of understanding silence, a book that touched us deeply, a hot cup of tea at just the right time. These are the simple things that make the hard times in life bearable. While things and moments are fleeting, their impact on us lasts a lifetime.

© Catherine Haslag

Reflections from a 2020 Election Judge

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I chose to serve as an election judge during the 2020 election. I decided to do this for three reasons: 1) to learn more about the rules that keep our elections fair, 2) to contribute and participate more in the election process, and 3) to learn more about the election process. At the time, some politicians were spreading false information about the election process, so I decided to do my own research and draw conclusions from what I learned. Becoming an election judge was part of my research.

I completed the paperwork to be an election judge, participated in training on how to check-in and register voters, how to count and keep account of all ballots, and in general how to keep the election fair by following the rules. Additional information on how polling places are organized for Minnesota can be found at https://www.sos.state.mn.us/elections-voting/election-day-voting/. A lot of what I describe below regarding my experience and the rules I needed to follow to be an election judge is provided on the page linked above.

This selfie was taken just after I cast my ballot during the early-voting period in Minnesota, October 2020.

Election day started at 6am. We set up the poll pads (iPads loaded with the voter registration software) that are used to register and log in voters, prepared ballots for the voters to use (this included counting the ballots in each pack and recording how many were there), ensured the ballot-counting machines were correctly programmed and ready for the day, and set up signs, arrows, and other equipment to help guide voters through the line and the poll area.

Voters were lined up nearly 30 minutes before we opened at 7am. I spent the first 3 hours sanitizing voting booths between voters and directing voters to the booths and then to the ballot-counting machines to deposit their ballot. We were very busy for the first 3 hours of the day. The energy was upbeat and uplifting. Most everyone was polite, patient, and just interested in casting their ballot, having their say in our government, and then going on with their day. Since where I live is a relatively small town (~25,000 people) I knew many of the people coming in to cast their ballot. Seeing familiar faces made the morning even better.

I spent the middle part of the day working the poll pads, logging in voters, verifying their information, and directing them where to pick-up a ballot. I registered about 20 voters during this time as well, many of them first-time voters. The process to register a voter was defined in the poll pad. The person had to provide proof of their identity and residency. We had to note the documentation they used to prove this information when we registered them. Everything was documented, regimented, and governed by rules. There was a paper trail as well. Every voter signed a slip of paper before they were given a ballot. Another slip of paper indicating they were given a ballot was also kept. At the end of the day, the number of ballots issued had to match the number of voters who were logged into the poll pads and the number of ballots issued. If a ballot was “spoiled,” meaning a voter made a mistake when filling it out, it was also noted, tracked, and kept in specially marked envelopes to prevent them from being mixed with the valid ballots submitted. Voters were NOT allowed to have their vote counted twice. The poll pad noted if someone had already voted absentee and would not allow another ballot to be issued for that voter. The poll pads also noted if a voter needed to be “challenged.” To be challenged means that a question or other piece of information needs to be clarified/proven regarding the voter’s eligibility. The poll pad tells the poll worker what question to ask/information to collect from the voter. This challenge must be addressed and in a specific manner with proper documentation before the voter is allowed to complete their ballot.

Over the course of the day, we handled between 3,500 and 4,000 voters. Since I spent the last hour of my 14+ hour day sanitizing voting booths, I didn’t check the information on the poll pads to get a final count. The polls closed at 8pm. Once we collected the paperwork from the day, secured the ballots in boxes that were zip-tied shut to prevent tampering, and broke down the voting booths and poll pads, my day as an election judge was complete.

What I witnessed on election day was 40-50 election judges who just wanted to make election day safe and fair. They wanted to do their best so people could come in and fairly cast their vote. They wanted the results to reflect the voice of the voters, not any particular candidate. There were election judges from multiple political parties, working together to help Americans vote and keep the process fair so the voices of the voters could be heard. No voter was allowed to submit multiple ballots, no ballots were magically created to favor a candidate. Ensuring that all ballots are counted is not fraudulent. Democracy takes time and verifying and counting all ballots is one of those tasks to ensure that the people get to have their voice heard fairly. Some states accept mail-in ballots up to a week after the election as long as they are postmarked by election day. These ballots are not “late” simply because they arrived after election day. As long as they are received in the time frame outlined by the voting laws of that state, they can be counted.

It is a modern idea that we should know the results of our elections on election day. The reality is that we have never had the final election results on election day. The results provided to us on election day are mostly mathematical predictions of who is most likely to win. The final vote counting has always stretched on weeks after election day. Just because we don’t “know” who won the election on election day isn’t a sign of voter fraud. It’s a sign that a lot of people voted and that election officials are being very careful to verify and count every vote to ensure a fair election. This is the foundation of our democracy.

What my research told me was that there are many checks and balances in place to ensure our elections are fair. While I can’t speak to specifics in other states, the votes cast in Minnesota were done so fairly based on the rules in place and my observations as an election judge. Rather than listen to others who have their own agenda, I had experience and information that I gathered myself to tell me the truth.

I encourage you to learn more about the voting regulations for your state and serve as an election judge at least once to see how the process works first hand. It is an amazing way to support our democracy, keep our elections fair, and educate yourself on how our elections laws are structured and the votes of the people are counted and protected from fraud.